I Have Learn(ed)

I guess, this is my, I Have Learnt note...

Ihavelearnt, that smiling is the best thing you can do. That people lie, and lie and lie some more, I'm not sure why. That, being true to yourself is what will keep you above the water. That, unconditional love is non-fiction, it is as real as these fingers I type with. That, to get ahead, to get somewhere, you have to start from the beginning. That when you've hit rock-bottom the only place to go is up. That, listening to other people, gossiping and the like - will get you nowhere but the angry corner. That doing things out of anger won't make you feel any better. That faith, is your strongest weapon. That believing in yourself, makes everything come true. That wishes do come true. That love is evil. Or evol.

But most importantly, I've learnt that life is for living.

(Written: 19/10/10)

Daydreams at 01:00

Fuck around and get killed like doof doof doof

For The Ladies :)

I don't usually do this, but uh, I have oily skin. And since sharing is caring - here's my piece.

You'll need:
-1 teaspoon of cooked pumpkin puree
-1 teaspoon of honey
-1 teaspoon of vinegar
-1 teaspoon of flour
-1 egg

Mix them together into a paste. Apply onto your face and leave on for 20 minutes. Do NOT apply on your eyes. Rinse it off (after 20 minutes) with warm water then pat dry.

Two...

Sometimes not feeling, is the only way you can survive.

Peanuts!

The next couple of posts, I wrote a while ago. A long while actually. But, there was no sun or moon, in that while. The fire of the stars was also out. Bear with me, I'll post them individually. They make sense that way. To me. Goodluck.

Certainly...

I know God wouldn't give me anythiing I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

Desolate

Dissolving is big, 'cause there's still a remaining mass - of you. Disappearing, however, would be more appropriate.

Five Words

Money kills, spend on alcohol.

Gratitude Journal: Entry One

Thank you for tonight's laughs. The conversations. The learning. My amazing sisters, sharing my dreams with them. Their gratitude. Thank you for my friends. This nutjob Pearl, my stomach will be, because of her. Thank you for my knowledge, my eagerness to know and learn, and explore. For that walk with Thanti. The patience you instilled in me today. For this moment to type this out. For the hopes, the dreams. Thank you for the faith. I have. In me, in You. Amen.

Thank you for the relations I am building.

(Typed at 01:40, 20/07/11)

Defining Beauty, I don't know..., I don't know...

I've never understood that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." idiom or whatever . I get it when there's beer involved, though.

Whoever said "Beauty is the promise of happiness" clearly hadn't met me! Which is true, I believe Stendhal died a while back... 169 years to be precise. Shame. Rest in Peace.

It's a lovely promise I won't lie. But seriously, there's even a song that says "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife." That is proof my dears. Proof that pretty people are the reason behind all the suicides.

Essentially, I don't believe there's a written promise to happiness. And I think that that's what this piece is about. Find your own happiness, not in someone's idea. And if your happiness is in something beautiful, then HEY, Stendhal was right! And you're pretty lucky, I think.

My (beauty)

No Sweeter Love...

I make you mad, really mad at times. I don't always do right by you. I ignore you sometimes. I burden you with my unending requests, unnecessary questions. I keep you up at night, sometimes all night. I don't even know how it started. My guess though...

My guess is, as good as my gut right now. And it's firm on that warm day in February. Something didn't quite happen, as it should. How grateful I am, coz you could've brought it back. But you didn't. You chose me.

A couple of months passed, you hoped otherwise. But I came out - round and pink. And, not a boy! The bond was created way before alla that though.

My mother... I love that lady but I swear sometimes she's on Charlie Sheen vibes, always WINNING on Colombia's finest! The only woman I know who laughs at her last-born after getting mugged at gunpoint. But I digs that laugh... There's reassurance in it. That everything is still okay. "He didn't shoot you, right?" That kinda laugh. If her laugh could be translated to speech it would say, "It could've been worse."

I'm not lucky to have her, bitch I'm blessed! Oh fudge it, Does it matter? She's mine and she's the best she can be. I don't know if that's the best in the world, but it's enough.

Ta-Da

I don't know how, you guys see me. In what light, how you, perceive me. I'm pretty but that's all you see. I barely speak, even with friends too. I observe a lot. I spend a lot of time on my phone, sometimes I'm called rude, they don't know that I'm writing stuff all the time. Ideas. Thoughts. Anything. I mean, I like cows. And touching faces. And stones and I had a pet lizard. I kept locusts in a Black Cat peanut butter jar, and FED them. I wanna lie still on a boy I like and listen to his heartbeat, trace his body. I can do that for thirty minutes. I have lots of pauses, in my speech and especially in my writing. But that's how I think. Ask, don't assume.

".

I'm furthest from sobriety... Right now. But it must be said. We've lost the whole essence of dating. Part of the reasons why I don't just date. For me to entertain the bullshit that is a man, the feelings must be there. Another reason why I might turn to drugs and drank, coz I mean. I aint tryna be bored. Niggas hollerin all the time, it gets tired. Someone who notices my small ears, my big eyes - that's it. That's all it's about.

(At the time I wrote this, I was nowhere.)