Noelle

I feel like I’m not worthy right now to be addressing You.

I would say it’s funny how I always only come to You when I’m in trouble, or I don’t know what to do anymore. But it’s not funny.

All you wanted was for me to read your book (The Holy Bible), talk to you (pray), sing to you (praise), and listen to your stories (worship).

Lord I’ve failed in doing such simple things. I read novels all year; in total their pages exceed the ones in the Bible. I complain that the words are too small, the stories are too long, the names are too complicated to pronounce. “I’ll take my Bible with to church” I should feel better right? It’s sitting in my handbag all service, so “I’ll just follow the scripture projected on the board” or “I don’t even know where Chronicles is in the Book…

I don’t know where Chronicles is in the Book. Yet I want the same promise that was made to David to be made unto me.

I’ve been waiting for You to say, “I’m done with you” but you never have. I’ve messed up so badly, so quickly, so bitterly, and so carelessly. I swear my soul is being slit by Rage, it’s choking, blood and fumes in the hands of the enemy.

All I ask is what David asked for: to “fall into the hands of the Lord, for His mercy is very great; instead of falling into the hands of men.”

I tap out,

 

-Noelle

 

 

(She spread my braid as a sheet and read between all the lines.)